


World In Flames / Where The Lost Ones Go

by Nadja_Lee



Category: X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: M/M, Morality, Racism, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-03-12
Updated: 2002-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:02:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22852942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/pseuds/Nadja_Lee
Summary: Erik thinks about his relationship with Xavier and his view on the world. Then Xavier thinks about Erik, their relationship and his view on the world.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Kudos: 153





	1. World In Flames

**World In Flames**

Dear Charles,

It seems over the years I write more about you than I do anything else. I've kept this journal almost since the end of the war but since I've met you all my entries start with 'dear Charles'. Well, I always found it stupid to write 'dear diary'. Why would I write anything to a book anyhow?!

Do you know what day it is today, Charles? Do you remember? Today it is 20 years since we first met. Maybe you don't want to remember. You haven't changed much since then, have you? I know you gave your X-men orders not to kill me on the Statue but I'm sure you didn't explain why. Why is it still so hard fort you to say? To accept? You're homosexual and so am I. Say it! Accept it. Why do you care what other people think? They'll think what they choose anyway. They're blind and can't see that love is pure in all its forms. Who are they to judge us anyway? They don't see that they're playing God and they have no right to do that. Religion is fine to keep hope up in a difficult time but the day it becomes more important than human lives and respect and love for others, is the day religion dies and the worshipper plays God himself. Any religion that outlaws love isn't worth worshipping anyway. Don't fear punishment for what you are for who has made you so but nature or God, depending on what you believe in? Don't be afraid to be what you are; there is no normal for we're all different.

When we were together you didn't want to accept it either. Even though I convinced you to marry me; and that was hard considering the times but still when we met people you'll introduce me as your friend or even your brother but never your lover and partner. I wonder if you ever told your students you were once married to Magneto? No, of course you didn't. You can't build a relationship on lies so we fell apart. Have you ever regretted that now when you sit in your mansion alone fighting to maintain an appearance and living up to other people's standards?

I've been in this plastic prison for almost a year now. I hope Raven will get me out soon; I can't take much more. I have nightmares, I dream of death, of mass graves, of broken bodies and ovens…the sickening stench of burnt flesh sending a sweet aroma over the camp…I dream of standing in a crowd, naked and shaking…I'm in a shower only water doesn't flow but gas….I can't see, I can't breathe….I try to fight but I can't. Out the door I see them laughing at my dying struggles; Nazi guards who turn into ordinary humans I pass on the street everyday for they are the same. No one is born evil or born a racist; they become like that in time.

During the war I was locked up, doctors probing me, testing me….this place…any place that locks me up makes me remember the past; all the pain, the bodies, the agony but above all; the hate in the guards eyes. Like we were nothing, not even animals. We were Jews and that alone made us unworthy to live. Over the years nothing has chanced.

I once spoke with a man and asked him if America could have a coloured president. No, he answered, sounding shocked. When I asked why he said that was not the way things were. Disgusted I asked if he was a racist which he denied yet still he had denied a man could be president knowing only the colour of his skin.

Humans hate; that is in their nature. After the war I had hope that there would be no more mass graves and mass executions but I was wrong; Bosnian, Somalia, Guatemala, Rwanda, Russia, Cambodia, Chile…..choose next to any country and it has happened to one part of the population or another. Even here in America; land of the free and land of opportunities. How many Native Americans weren't brutally slathered in the past? How many coloured weren't persecuted for no other crime than a darker colour of their skin? Land of the free; yes if you're white, male, 'Christian' and human…..land of opportunities; yes if you're rich.

Europe have had its wars and made its mistakes. Slowly it seems it's ready to start over and try tolerance and equality for all. It's not perfect; no country will ever be perfect for no human is perfect but sincerely trying…that is all I ask.

I do not want war, I never did. I've seen too many deaths, too much misery to ever wish a war but sometimes there's no other way. In the 30's Europe was so afraid of a new war it overlooked Hitler and his persecution of Jews and non-Aryans. First when Poland was attacked, when every child had lost loved ones and seen bodies lying broken on the ground did they react and it was too late.

Don't you see, Charles? People like you and your methods, your dream of peace is accepted because as long as you're no threat against the rule they can ignore you. You won't make any difference. The power still stays where it always has, injustice still flourish and we're still left here at the bottom. Don't be a fool, Charles. Do something!

I do not wish to inflict pain needlessly and I never wanted to kill Rogue; you know I'm not like that but sometimes sacrifices must be made. This time I'll not go down without a fight. This time I'll not wait till I have another number tattooed into my arm.

Why do you dream of peace, Charles? The world has never seen peace and never will. It is not in the human nature. First every country battled each other, then they began to possess other far away countries as colonies and took slaves, claiming the slaves they took weren't human. They knew the slaves were human; no one is that stupid but they had to believe they weren't for if they first admitted their coloured slaves were humans they admitted to having done a terrible crime and that they couldn't live with nor accept so they continued deceiving themselves. Wars followed; collimating in the two great world wars. Finally after the last one, after broken countries, millions of dead on all sides, after the birth of regimes of hate and racism…finally it was all over. The world could have had peace. But instead the world was divided into two as old allies became enemies; one holding on to cold reality; looking out for number one and the other clinging to an impossible dream which quickly turned into a nightmare and soon the world lived in fear again. Children were raised to hate; red, yellow or green….colours as always. People being shot for trying to escape their own country, children hiding under their desks during army drills. Two great men leading two very different countries could stop a third world war, that both sides' military wanted, only hours before it was to begin as missiles on a small island could have triggered the end of all we have ever known.

Finally, the wall fell and the world could once again have enjoyed peace. Again, the chance was passed by. My own people; given a country after hundreds of years without one…only years had passed before it lay in constant fighting with its neighbours. A war breaking out over oil while Tibet is being forgotten as mocks are being slathered. Every country trying to obtain weapons of mass destruction while its population is starving. Suicide bombers, terror raids…..countries bombed to pieces with plans of more to follow.

Do you see now, old friend? There is no peace but in death.

I didn't start this fire, it has always burned. Put two people on this world and they'll fight. So are the nature of things. Goodness is rewarded with death…J.F.K., Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela, Diana…..Jesus. Pick any man or woman the world will say was a good man or woman and you'll see….they're all dead.

I do not want to lose you, Charles, and I do not want to fight you. I have no dream anymore; I can't afford to. But you have. Come to me and dream for me. There is no reason for us to fight; why do you protect them? Why do you fight? You don't have to prove anything; not to me and not to them. What are you fighting for?

You left me then; you were afraid of them, of their hate and intolerance. Don't fear anymore. Be yourself and be proud of it.

*Sigh* You'll never read this and I'll never hold you again, never kiss you again and never tell you what's in my heart but this I can say…..I'll always love you. Our views may be different but I can still love you and isn't that what we're fighting for? Survival and the right to believe in what we choose? On that we can agree at least.

Know this that I've willed it so that when I die my journal will be send to you. It'll be too late for you and me but it already is anyway….but maybe reading this will help you understand and will help you and other others to see….I'm not an evil man. Every human has the choice; they can do good, they can do evil…or they can do nothing. Inactivity equals murder in all cases and I choose life. Life for my race and my people. They will never give it to us like they wouldn't then.

A dream of peace is beautiful but don't you see? Humans will always fight. You can't stop them alone. They'll never understand.

So I choose to fight for us, fight for the ones who are called 'freaks', 'outsiders' and 'weaklings'. I fight for the ones the big men wish had never been born. The old rules are corrupted and unjust. Maybe new blood will bring about a new era; we could start over and this time do it right. I do not wish a war but I didn't start this. They did and they always have.

Think about it, my friend and my love….think about it.

The End


	2. Where The Lost Ones Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles thinks about his relationship with Erik (Magneto) and his view on the world.

**Where The Lost Ones Go**

Dear Erik,

When I write these letters to you I often think what you'll think the day you read them. Will my words surprise you, touch you, move you….change you? I don't know and maybe it's best like that.

I'm sad that it had to end like this, that you're now in jail. I know it must be painful and hard for you…..I'm truly sorry but you have been sentenced accordingly to the law and for the crime you committed; I can't change that no matter how much I want to.

It gets more and more painful for me to visit you every week, knowing I can go free and you'll be forced to stay locked up. I see the pain in your eyes; the agony. It has always been there; I can count on my fingers the times I've seen you smile yet this is still different. I see how difficult it is for you; how past and present threaten to mix completely. In my heart I wish someone would help you and set you free but my mind forbids that someone to be me.

You probably won't believe me but I kept our 'wedding' picture. When I'm alone I take it forth and looks at it and remembers happier times for the years we spend together were the happiest I had. But it didn't last; we both knew it couldn't. We were too different and….well, there were a lot of reasons. If I wanted to make a difference I had to blend in, I had to play by their rules. I was raised to believe loving you was wrong, that being with you was wrong. I still can't shake the shame from me when I dream of you, think of you…when I want you back. The poison they planted in me isn't easily killed and it ended up killing our love. I'm sorry for that. The past never lets go; you know that better than most.

You don't fight today for the future but mainly for the past. You remember what happened during WW2 and you're angry that no one was there for you, helped you….and you feel guilty for being alive. It is common and natural but don't use your pain as a weapon. Don't say this is about human-mutant relations or even interracial relations. Your fight is for yourself and in your fight you have overlooked that you have become what you hate most; like them. You see a human and think he wants to kill you; you see a white man and think he's a racist. Colour doesn't define people but it has to work both ways; just because your human or white doesn't make you evil but on the other hand just because you're a mutant, poor or coloured doesn't make you a good person either. Your actions define who you are; not your colour.

Through the ages there have been many wars, many deaths. Let's not add to that number. It's like rings in the water; first they're small but in time they grow. But someone has to start them. Let that someone be me…..join me; don't fight me. Wars for any reason, for any cause are wrong. Who're you to decide which cause is more just than another? Who's right and who's wrong? Who are you to say that sons have to die and mothers have to cry? Don't you see you'll be just like them?

Things can be turned around; we can change. We have to believe for without hope what is left? If we all believed war and hate was all humans did then the world would fall apart. Remember all the great leaders, all the men and women who have fought for freedom and justice. To fight is to ignore all they stood for, is to disrespect their death. The most clear cry for antiviolence and anti-war of any kind is when Jesus chooses to die rather than fight. I know what you're thinking; people who play fair will never beat those who doesn't follow the rules but think about it; what would be the difference between him and me if we both played unfairly? None. None what so ever.

All major religions abolish violence; Jews, Muslims, Christians…In all the world's religions one of the most sacred commandments are not to kill. If I kill your son and you kill me; what makes you less a murderer than me? If you kill and the state judges you worthy of death what is then the difference? Only God have the right to judge and only He can give out punishment. Call him God, Jahva, Allah…choose any name but it's the same thing. None have the right to judge for no human is perfect and therefore no judgement can be 100% right.

The nature of humans and our society demands the guilty be punished but that judgement doesn't have to match the crime in cruelty. We can do it better if we only try and don't you see? We are trying to make it better. Once next to all crimes were punished by death…now it's not so.

We have so little time on this world; let's not waste it fighting.

The world has changed. It is happening as we speak. The world sees all; when there's a conflict the world steps in, when Africa starves the world steps in, when a country is in need the world is there. The world cares for more than itself. We can change. Look at all the changes we made in the '60s. We're nowhere there yet but we're moving in the right direction. We can do this if we all stand together; if we believe… if we have hope.

I wish you could understand; I wish you could see. There is a system, there're rules we have to follow. The rules may not always be upheld but they're all we have. If we move outside the law we prove to them that we're as dangerous as they think we are. We have to prove ourselves the better person; we have to show people they can trust us, that we're no danger.

I believe in second chances and you should too. You've been through Hell; don't recreate that Hell for others. Give others the second chance you never got. Don't judge them like they judged you. Prove yourself to be better than that. Be stronger than that. Look at the big picture.

After my death I've willed it so these letters I've written to you will be send to you. I can't break free, I can't be myself…..I'm too old to change now and I've worked too hard to gain this position in society where people will listen to me; my happiness is a small sacrifice for world peace, don't you think so? Hmm….no, I know you don't.

Time passes by so quickly and there's no more time for you and me. The day where you and me can walk hand in hand down the street without fearing getting arrested, yelled at, avoided or harassed are long in coming and I fear we won't live to see them but one day….one day that day will come and that's the day I fight for.

Maybe reading this will help you through and make you understand…..I did love you and I still do. I just…can't say it. Forgive me for that.

I have a dream; I see all the people of this world living together in peace. If everyone dreams with me we'll obtain that dream. Put hate, anger and revenge aside. Those feelings will bring you nothing but grief. What has ever come from killing but more killing?

Let the past lie, my friend. It is time to move on and move on in peace. If nothing else then you deserve peace after all this time. Let go of hate and distrust. They gave you the scars but you never let them heal. Heal yourself now. Set yourself free. You have the power to do so.

Don't be like them; don't hate. Forgive and move on. You have to leave the past to have a future.

Don't fight war with war, don't fight hate with hate. That is not the way. Don't be like them. Be free…..stop hating and you'll stop hurting. Forgive them, forgive yourself and move on.

Think about it, my friend and my love….think about it.

The End


End file.
